Ratie Rats

It's been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don't see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn't think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren't perfect. It's painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don't know how much impact you have in this world and it's sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because yo...

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning. But anyone can start today and make a new ending. I know there is no good to be regret but if only time can be change. I personally wont reply to any of your texts if the outcome would be like this. What a precious but not belong to me anymore and i still cant move on because i still do love you till this momen. I always remind myself sometimes those who fly solo have the strongest wings. Its gonnna hurt me to hate you, but loving you is worse, i let you go not because i didnt love you but because i love myself more. My past teach me how to be strongest person in this world. I put all my heart, love, myself, and also my life on you but i get nothing. I let you go not because i already have someone new.  Its because i dont want to hurt my heart again. Trust me the best thing to have in your life is a girl who truly loves you. I think i was the girl who VERY LOVE MY BF. But i love too much till its hurt. when a girl truly falls f...

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One years ago i was the important person and nowadays its look like i never existed. I think i was cared to move on because i couldnt stand the thought of leaving all the beautiful pieces of you behind.Aku pernah kecewa, pernah bahagia, pernah rasa disayangi dan pernah rasa sayang orang lain lebih dari sayang diri sendiri. Pernah keliru dengan diri sendiri but now i am healing myself with everything what surround me, i appreciate all people and things around me, i really appreciate people yang tidak pernah give up bagi kata semangat even tho masih sakit, everything needs time, only time will tentukan semuanya. I am still waiting for almost 10 months but still nothing, his name keep playing in mind and i often smile when thinking of him but just ignore it, most of us know what it feels like to love someone or to be in love, i keep remind myself if i get sad cry as hard as you want to. but always make sure: when you stop craying, you'l...

Selamat Hari Raya everyone! sorry for update it so late, raya sudah habis pun but i still want to update my blog. Actually lama tersimpan dalam draft tak terpost busy sana sini sampai lupa, laptop pun jarang bukak and my blog this time about my Hari Raya so here my wish and all my feeling in raya, I love the feeling when i wake up and it's Hari Raya. We can see everyone is rushing to go the mosque to perform prayers, kids are throwing tantrum they dont want to wear their baju raya and some people are eating kuih raya silently in kitchen. its a nice feeling. Lagi nice sambut di kampung, so this year i celebrate my raya at my village with my family, my small family, my special and lovely family and aslo my my friend i was so excited to celebrate my raya this is because of them, almost 2 years tak balik sambut raya dengan my family and friends, blessed because i still have a chance to celebrate this eid with them. Thank you Allah. I hope that in this year to come, you make mista...

Selamat berpuasa kepada keluarga dan rakan-rakan semuanya, selepas sibuk dengan pilihan raya and after that all works walaupun bukan kerja yang sebenar baru ada masa untuk update my blog, I will made It simple and special. Oh yah, I will not touch about politics in my blog so I will not reply all question about my works on PRU14, thank you very much for your respect.   First thing first, happy fasting everyone! may this Ramadhan will be the best and great Ramadhan in our life. Trying to be the best person in dalam bulan yang sangat suci. This ramadhan will be the best ramadhan to me because, spent all day with my family after almost 3 years im not celebrate ramadhan with family, this is the best gift I had. You know what, there will different having ‘sahur’ and ‘berbuka’ puasa with or without your family. In Ramadhan, having iftar with the family would be the best feeling ever. Mom’s cook, having our siblings by ourside to play around with and the feeling to be at hom...

7:00PM Thursday Sandakan, Sabah This is another prove show us every people do hide real feelings deep inside. We do face problems every single day. Feel sad stressed heartbreak lonely damaged and all harm things obviously can destroyed your main spirit. I wish I can do something to help hm. All I can say is hav faith and stay patient. Do believe Him more than people. He deserve your attention not other, too much stress can ruined your day. Be happy and chill. You deserve better my dear. Don’t feel sad all the time. We still have change to change and move forward for a better future. Don’t chase love because it come naturally. Not now maybe later. Thinking too much is suck. End your day with a broad of smile and be happy for Him. for yourself, for your own sake. Last but not least, do not put your key of happiness to others. They will drop it anytime. Instead keep inside all deep expression, you guys may ask and seek for help. People need you and for sure you...

Hai Assalamualaikum, So hello everyone. It’s been a long time guys, I am back. Taking a long time to heal. One month ago, I was very emotional, stressed with a little things and I cant handle my work. I feel like everyone left me. All alone, but somehow all you need is the strength to pick up the broken pieces of yourselves. Have some self respect. Respect yourself to walk away from things or people that no longer make you happy. If you are unhappy, walk away. Heal everything. You will heal. Your scars to accept the reality and more forward. You can’t stay stuck in the same place, person or even same things. Find your happiness. For once, be selfish, sometimes its will be okay. I wish you guys who reads my blog all the happiness in the world. May Allah ease everything. Amin. Aha, back for why I came back to writing is, I would like to inform that I move again to my hometown. I buy ticket from my own money, I lost everything last month, I lost everything I my life, m...

Its not that i dont want to be happy. its a despite, how hard i try. i cant bring myself to be happy. i feel suffocated, embarrassed, ashamed,, why did i have to be this way? i've a great family, amazing friends, good academic results, on paper everything is okay. Yet all i ever seem to be is sadness and grey it's like there's like burden on me pulling me to the ground and however hard you try you cant bring myself out i cant bring myself to care about anything not me, not him, not her living has become the constant nightmare and its just not fair. Its a disease that affect every aspect of my life, my work, my relationship, my education and to this day despite my best efforts to explain i am always met with blind hesitation. People ask me "Why you always so sad?" i tell them i dont know... what i do know is that i wake up everyday, feeling like absolutely shit and that tha's become my norm. i am afraid of the world, i am...

  Even when i am mad i still think about my other half. Even when i get busy with so many things, i still make time for someone i love. You are so annoying but i cant deny that i love everything about you. Seeing someone i love is what i enjoy the most, but for now all people that i love is being far away from me. even my parents too. so that everytime i see you, i will get nervous. Every single time. Then i get comfortable. Then i get clingy. These three steps. All the time. You are good enough for me.  I cant tell you how much you mean to me because no words can explain that. I love you any less. Loving you is the best thing i've eve done. Yes, i am that kind of person who is obsessed with his space. But i had fun just by your presence. When you are around, i am just content. Seeing your smile forms is just beautiful. You are awkward. Thats beautiful. I saw you crooked teeth. I find that's even more beautiful. You get insecure about your body. I wish i can tell y...

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018 GUYS I DONT KNOW WHAT IS MY PROBLEM, it always late for wishing in all condition. is it too late for wishing? haha  january almost end. It  saved in my Draft and i forgot to fnishing it. HAHA BUT ITS OKAY. May all your wishes in 2017 comes true and had been successful. Its the time to welcome the new year with a fresh mind and heart. Have a rocking! To Be Honest, 2017 is my year. 2017 full with tears, happiness, sadness, and even lost hope. 2017 is the best year ever. I would like to say thank you. too many memories throughout 2017 are in effect for the returns. Likes, sorrows, laughs, crying, hurt, happy not to remember the world, with the people we love and not with our dear people. Lets throw back a little memory in 2017 (bahasa terabur) : January 2017 - Im back to my hometown Sandakan, Sabah. after a long time not going back. Within 3 weeks I was there. Many memories I made when I was there. Spend some time with family and friends....

"Kekasihku hayati kau yang ku kenal adalah gadis yang sopan,  bunga suci batipuh, kekasih hatiku yang melepasku di hujung jalan. Maafkan saya hayati jika berbicara terus terang, sebab cinta sejati tidak boleh munafik hayati. saya terpuku melihat pakaian mu, begitu hebatnya kau menjadi orang moderen" -  Zainudin. "..dan kekayaan itu belum pernah ku berikan kepada orang lain, walaupun kepada aziz. kekayaan itu ialah kekayaan cinta" - Hayati  "Demikianlah perempuan dia hanya ingat kekejaman orang kepada dirinya walaupun kecil, dan dia lupa kekejamannya sendiri kepada orang lain padahal begitu besarnya." - Zainudin. "Kau lah zainudin yang menjadi suamiku kelak, bila tidak di dunia, kau lah suamiku di akhirat."- Hayati.  "Ini bukanlah perkahwinan harta dan kecantikan" - Hayati.  "mengapa kau jawab aku sekejam itu zainuddin? sudah hilangkah tentang kita dari hatimu? " - Hayati. "kau yang sangg...

There's so many things that i could say but im sure it would come out all wrong you got something that u cant explain still try and try and let you know that first summer we spent's one we'll never forget looking for any kind of reason to escape all the mess that we thought was what made us ain it funny now ? we can see we're who we're meant to be you still have all of my you still have all of my you still have all of my heart let them talk and talk and talk let them say what they want we will laugh at the thought they dont know what we've got every year that goes by, a year older we are you'll still in my heart then, bless your beautiful heart just patiently waiting for a love like you and me you still have all of my heart

Get to know someone is nice. You get to know their hobbies. You get to know their favorite movies. Their favorite food. You get to know what makes them happy and sad at times. You get to know how they handle their anger and sadness and how well they hide their anxiety. You get to know what makes them so passionate with what they are currently doing. And you also let them know things you wanted to know. You also get to know their favorite scents, places and songs. Blessed that i know what yours hobbies and fav movie, even that you don't like watching movie but i blessed pernah berjumpa dengan orang jenis macam kau. I will keep all remember and keep it all in my heart, how's your anger and sadness be like. Thanks because you never give up nak melayan my ego, anger or overreacting. Know when im lying and how i hide my anxiety, all the things that i let you know about me keep it all in your heart. Letting go is not the easier part in our life. Scents? Day by day, you get to kn...

kadang kadang hati kita salah. kawal perasaan dengan akal. i am so done being an option, taken for granted and left broken, & i am in the struggle to unchain myself from being constantly in pain of grieving. i fight for myself this time. i know that i will get better in time. time will eventually heal everything. at some point in life, realize that i am a lover and a fighter. i love too much. i get angry easily and i am working on my anger management. i play, sleep and think too much. but i get my shit done. i don't procrastinate much. music is my best friend. i have too many friends but i realize not everyone is your friend. i am inspired by succesful and hardworking people. as a student, i always remember that i have my parents to impress. my weaknesses are clouds, beach and books. writing is my escapism. and i won't judge your sexuality, decisions, and what you do for living. and i hope you would do the same. i have a thing for kind people. i despise two-fac...

For one last time, I will cry for you. For one last time, I will stop craving for you. For the last time, I will stop making myself miserable for missing you. We are not meant to be. We are just not meant to be. Why the hell I am so stubborn? I should've accept the fact that you are no longer mine. I need a reality check. I should focus on my self-growth. I can't continue being sad like this anymore. It's exhausting. I can't make someone stay in my life if they insist on leaving. I can't make someone love me if they can't accept me anymore. I want to grow as a person. I hope one day when you wake up and find that you are missing me, don't ever find your way back to me. I used to be afraid of losing you and I am losing you. I don't want to be afraid of losing things and people. If it's fated and meant to be, who am I to change my fate? Maybe I don't need anyone to talk. Maybe I just need time to be alone. Maybe I just need my own spac...