my beautiful memory

Hai Assalamualaikum,

So hello everyone. It’s been a long time guys, I am back. Taking a long time to heal. One month ago, I was very emotional, stressed with a little things and I cant handle my work. I feel like everyone left me. All alone, but somehow all you need is the strength to pick up the broken pieces of yourselves. Have some self respect. Respect yourself to walk away from things or people that no longer make you happy. If you are unhappy, walk away. Heal everything. You will heal. Your scars to accept the reality and more forward. You can’t stay stuck in the same place, person or even same things. Find your happiness. For once, be selfish, sometimes its will be okay. I wish you guys who reads my blog all the happiness in the world. May Allah ease everything. Amin.

Aha, back for why I came back to writing is, I would like to inform that I move again to my hometown. I buy ticket from my own money, I lost everything last month, I lost everything I my life, my education, my job, my happiness, my self, my friends, my cousin and my loved one (someone special in my heart) – I hope that he know just because I am OVERTHINKIN. So, I lost everything, my job I just work only for 1 months as a Admin Account in HR Department at Radiant Global Sdn Bhd I m very thankful bcs I had a very nice boss to know there, but things got very hard for me after 1 month when my heart being so emotional, I cant control myself, so I took a decision without any thinking. I booked a flight back to my hometown, alone with myself. Sandakan, Sabah. I resign my position with one week only of notice, I am feeling very guilty for my department. I just cant focus to work, because my overthinking, I am the type of person like – if I was mad I will curse you like hell and after that I will feeling very guilty for what I just said. So last month, me and he having a big fighting. its all my fault, I regret for what I had been done before. I wish that I will tell him that Im very regret. So that, i wish I can fix what have been broken. I broke my own heart too by hurting my self too.  Someone will love you, but I cant make a move very fast. My heart still with him. I very good with dealing with my own heart its okay. You had worst than this. If you’ve tried your best and failed miserably, wake up and try again. You can always try. To feel better again. And let say I give up for forever you don’t need to worry, its okay. Its true when people said “time will heal”, they true time will heal as it pass you will know how I meant to you. You know what is the worst?  You can not understand yourself.

What would you do when you’re sad? I would lay on my bed. Listen to my fav song and cry. But when I go out, I try my best to smile and laugh. But once I reached home I will become so demotivated and sad (I think this is the best part of me that people around me should take a note, they only seeing me happy and enjoyed my day) – sometimes you think you want to disappear but all reality want is to be found by the ones you care the most. Now we are very far, far away. I hope I will seeing you again. So many years of education yet nobody taught us  to love ourselves and why its so important. I wish you will learn how to give your love back to the girl that love you very much. Whoever she is I wish very well you will happy and let’s not forget about our memory.

It’s OKAY, sometimes in life, when we are broken and all alone. We tent to go back to someone who broke us. Ok  now listen to me, don’t. You don’t need an explanation from someone who broke you. You just need to learn to let go even its hurting you the most, let it go. I promise you will be  alright, people call it as “REDHA” the most you redha with all things, things will get better for you. Trust me. You will be happy. Just when you learn, to let go.  But if you want to know my biggest  problem, my only one problem is I still love him. The sad thing is ; you have my heart, even when you breaks me.

Life gets better eventually, for now  I think I rather stay focus on what matters. Stop being so negative about everything and just go with the flow. I want to appreciate what’s left for me. Those people who stayed, I want to cherish them forever. Because I realize, nothing last forever, even my mom my lover haha pity me nothing last forever. But the memory will forever in my mind. Soooo,  I am going to appreciate every single person or thing in my life. There is no guarantee that we can live another day. So live your life now and stay to those people that they mean something to you. Whoever want the love from me you can get to know me so I will give you love hahahhaha jk jk. But, konsep aku sekarang senang je kau nak stay kau stay laa kau tak nak blah you are to go dear. Because, 3 years ago  I was the important person and nowadays its look like I never existed funny right. I never be in a long relationship but with this one u know I am stick with only one person. And maybe I stick this feeling only for you until you have another one jkjk. I was sacred to move on because I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving all the little beautiful pieces of you behind. I cant left it behind.

I wish everyone is doing well. I had so many problems. Studies, financial, love life and friendship problems. But I guess, these problem are going to make me a better person. I can overcome all these problem. InsyaAllah. And for those who almost give up, don’t give up, yet. OK? Because Allah has better plans for each one of us and I really believe and trust on Him. You will be just fine. For now, hang in there.

It feels like this is my diary and I am letting everyone to read my diary. I find it’s ok since u want you guys to learn from my past, my mistake and yes lessons learnt. I am not going to put myself in the miseries anymore. I’ve had enough. Now its  to listen to your heart. Its time to do what makes you happy. Ignore names they gave to you. Ignore what they said about you. You know yourself better than anyone. Love yourself. So go out, be brave, face your fear because you are so beautiful and unique in your own ways.

So for you, my past ; just take care. Like really take care.